Not My Child! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Well, Wesley has NOT had a such a strange week that I am NOT going to substitute "Not Me!" Monday post with a "Not My Child!" Monday.

Here goes:

My child DOES NOT have paranoia issues. He NEVER believes that people in photos are staring at him. Furthermore, we NEVER catch him changing in his closet so that various family members hanging on his wall "won't see" him. Because he DOES NOT have this problem, he CERTAINLY WOULD NEVER turn a snowman soap dispenser and Santa figurine around so that they couldn't "see" him while visiting the bathroom!

NOT MY CHILD!

While on a "date" with my son to a Christmas concert by the Annie Moses Band, he MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT pass gas not once, but multiple times during the concert.  Even if it were my child (which it WASN'T) it WOULD NOT be so gut-wrenchingly hideous as to burn the inside of my nose leaving me with the desire to apologize to all the people around us who pretended not to notice.

NOT MY CHILD!

Okay, so I will admit that my son does in fact have an obsession with Indiana Jones. However, his obsession DOES NOT go so far as to include swiping a chocolate-flavored chapstick and smearing it all over his face in the hopes of obtaining that five-o'clock shadow that Harrison Ford sported so well in the movies.

NOT MY CHILD!

Being that we have a very empathetic, sometimes too gentle and kind child, Wesley would NEVER reinact the famous scene from A Christmas Story in which Ralphie, being fed up with the school bully, shoves him to the ground and starts wailing on him. To make matters worse (if this actually did happen--WHICH IT DIDN'T) it certainly WOULD NOT have happened at church! You see, Wes is NOT such a neurotic great friend that he can't bear to see someone else sit next to his "very best friend." If anyone dared to sit next to said best friend, he MOST CERTAINLY WOULD NOT take matters into his own hands and make sure that his seat was not "stolen" by another kid.

NOT MY CHILD!


And lastly, my precious son would NEVER EVER bust out in spontaneous prayer while watching an ambulance pull into the parking lot of a local restaurant. It certainly WOULDN'T go anything like this: "Dear God, please help the people not be too hurt. And God, make them better and get well soon."

 

NOT MY CHILD!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Who would've thought I'd be excited about a Monday?! But I am in need of some serious Not Me! Monday therapy. If you don't mind, I'd like to stretch out on your cyber couch and spill my guts. Not about how I blame all my problems on my mom (which, even if I did have problems, I certainly wouldn't blame them on my sweet Mama!), but rather to fess up to all the horrible mommy moments I've had lately! It's been a while, so this may be a lengthy session! Start the session timer...


You would NEVER find me resorting to "refreshing" my son's underwear in the dryer after my frantic search for clean clothes proved unfruitful! I mean really, who would ever do such a thing?! NOT ME!

NEVER would I carelessly forget to remove my MOPS car magnet before entering the automatic car wash at the gas station. If I would happen to have done such a thing (which I DIDN'T), it certainly WOULDN'T take me all of a week to figure it out!

Christmas was NOT almost cancelled at our house after a minor disagreement with WGH over the placement of the furniture to accomodate our Christmas tree. Furthermore, said disagreement would NEVER include a debate over my wanting to remove WGH's beloved recliner from the livingroom to make a place for the tree. If this incident did occur at our house, it would NOT end by me declaring that WGH would be responsible for finding new homes for the furnitre and putting up the tree, followed by my tweeking his furniture rearranging abilities while he was bathing our kids. I would NEVER behave so childishly! NOPE, NOT ME!

Since our children are our top priority and we NEVER lose sight of caring for their every need, I would NEVER neglect my son's dental hygiene at the expense of his getting NOT one, but four cavities! Even if I would've been guilty of such a travesty, I assuredly would NEVER feel worse if my sweet son had said, "Mommy I forgive you for letting me get cavities!"

When I mentioned I needed the therapy of Not Me! Monday, it was NOT an excuse to avoid cleaning house. Moveover, it was NOT a much needed distraction from the lockdown imposed on my kiddos' preschool and sister's college due to a manhunt for an escaped convict. If this was a scenario from our lives, it would CERTAINLY end with us all back home safe and sound (albeit, anxiously waiting for the capture of the convict)!

Ahhhhhh! I feel better! Thank you for letting me vent on your couch! If you feel the need to charge me for this session, just drop an invoice in the mail. Hopefully it will be covered by my insurance, because who would pay it? NOT ME!!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Since I haven't participated in "Not me!" in quite a while, you might be thinking I've got quite the laundry list to share. NOT ME! While the list certainly is NOT long, I WON'T spare you the details by hitting the high points.

I MOST DEFINITELY HAVE NOT been using the claim of having a ton of laundry to catch up on as an excuse to sit and catch up on seasons worth of television shows! My family always has plenty of clean underwear and clothes and WOULD NEVER have to remind me of their lack thereof by leaving empty dresser drawers open as a hint!

As long as we're on the subject of laundry, you'd NEVER catch me having to sit on my hands in order to keep from refolding the clothes that my sweet Jilly folded.

And NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS would I secretly hide my joy at the fact that said sweet daughter seems to absolutely love helping fold the mountains of laundry that seem to plague our home. I TRULY WOULD NEVER save such proclamations of undying love for all things fabric-softened for a future "Wordy Wednesday" post!

We had our first MOPS meeting at our new church this month. What an awesome group of ladies! It was such a blessing to be paired up with some wonderful, beautiful, fun, and intelligent moms that the name "Looney Ladies" would NEVER pop in my head every time I recall the actual name of our table, "Lunar Ladies." Who knows, with all the giggling that was going on at our table, everyone else might have thought we were a little looney!

Being the totally on-top-of-things mom that I am, NEVER would I discover my daughter at the table feeding herself lunch because her mommy and brother were too busy deciding on whether to keep or purge one of the fifty million Lightning McQueen cars in his collection. Furthermore, I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T take pictures of her eating her self-made lunch of Honey Nut Cheerios instead of making her a different lunch!

When my precious Wes brought home his first-ever homework pages to complete, I WAS NOT panic-stricken at 8:30 Sunday night upon discovering said homework. Wild pandemonium to complete the assignments amidst typical bedtime routines DID NOT ensue. NEITHER did tears of realization that my boy will be five in a month. NOPE, NOT from this tough momma.

Don't let me have all the fun by myself! Why don't you breathe a sigh of relief from the freedom of airing your "dirty laundry?!" As for me, I MOST ASSUREDLY AM NOT off to fold more laundry!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to http://www.mycharmingkids.net">her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Can you guess around what my entire week revolved?! If not, just sit back and check it out:


I DID NOT spend all of last week rushing around getting ready for Jillian's third birthday. Furthermore, I WAS NOT frustrated over the vague "angel" theme that Miss Priss insisted on having. Do you realize how little there is out there for an angel-themed party?! I certainly WASN'T a tinsy bit relieved that quite a few on the guest list was unable to attend (we still had 40 people there). After all, we certainly ARE NOT the type of family that packs way too many friends and relatives in our medium-sized house. Even if we were, it certainly WOULDN'T be for the cuddliest curly-headed cutie you've ever seen!

Given the fact that we are a family with allergies (namely, Wes and myself) I WOULD NEVER dream of getting a puppy for the kids after seeing Wesley with my nieces' adorable pug puppy.

Speaking of allergies, at Wesley's new patient visit to a local allergist on Wednesday, the following conversation DID NOT occur:

Doctor: "So, what brings Mr. Wesley into the office today?"

Mom: "Well..."

Wesley: [interrupts] "My eyes itch. My nose itches. I'm sneezing and itching and if you don't take this mold out of my head I'll die."

Mom: "No Wes, you won't die from your mold allergy,"

Wesley: "I will if my head falls off!"

And we thought Jillian was the Drama Queen!

Have you ever seen such a sweet angel?! NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS would I have to threaten said angel with no birthday party if she did not cease her back-talking, bickering, and all around bad attitude! Her mommy certainly DID NOT have to tuck her devil tail under that precious little dress and hide the pitchfork prior to the guests arrival!

Pride was NOT evident on my face when my son lovingly insisted on being next to his sister at the table. And I certainly WOULD NEVER insist that he stop kissing and hugging his sister so she could blow out her candles! NEVER will you hear me admit to somehow, someway getting rid of all the left over cupcakes. The words "going on a diet" WILL NOT be uttered from my mouth this week! Who could ever love homemade buttercream icing? NOT ME!


With all the scrambling to shop, clean, bake, set up, decorate, hostess, serve, clean, and put away new presents (whew, I'm exhausted just from listing all that!), you will NEVER EVER hear me say that I am the happiest woman in the world. With a family like this, why would I?!

All right, now it's your turn! Join in on the fun by blogging on what you HAVEN'T been up to this past week and then following the instructions on MckMama's blog.

Have a great week!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

You know the drill...

• I totally DID NOT fall for it when WGH offered me a Starbucks latte and pumpkin loaf before church as a peace offering for NOT using a short tone with me. Furthermore, I certainly DID NOT start scheming on how to prevoke another short tone for next Sunday! After all, who DOESN'T like Starbuck's pumpkin loaf?! DEFINITELY NOT ME!


• When dealing with Wesley's new-found phobia to the color blue--yes, the actual color along with anything else that hue--I would NEVER behave in a way other than the utmost patience and understanding. My highly trained skills as mother totally prevent me from trying any of the following: logical arguments (did I mention he's 4?!), sweet pleading (again, did I mention he's 4?!), pitiful begging (ditto on the previous two), and eventually frustrated resignation (do I have to repeat it?!). Consequently, I will NOT be changing his navy blue sheets today and hiding his once beloved Thomas the Train pillow (as evidenced by the following photo taken a year ago).

• When someone (or several someones) marvels at Jilly's ultra-curly hair, I WOULD NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS secretly wish that she had "normal hair" because as beautiful as naturally curly hair is, it is even more of a chore keeping it well kempt. When I view the hair of my friends' girls, I certainly NEVER dream of what it would be like to brush smooth, silky hair and arrange it in all sorts of creative and trendy styles. I mean, really, who would ever NOT LOVE this

NOT ME!

Now that I've spilled my guts, go ahead, have at it!

Not Me! Monday

If you're a fan of MckMama or have visited my blog before, you know what today is, so here goes:

• In NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM would I enjoy a Mother's Day weekend away from my children. NOT ME!
• And because I DID NOT miss my children, I would NEVER in a million years let my kids play hooky from school for no other reason than so we could just hang out together at the house. Even if it is just preschool...
• If we did happen to skip school (which we totally DIDN'T), I would certainly NOT want to spend that day driving all the way back to my mother-in-law's house to retrieve the purse that I DID NOT leave at her house on Mother's Day.
• And while we WEREN'T retrieving said purse, when the car actually WOULDN'T start, I DID NOT tell my restless and sweating kids (who coincidentally were the reason for the car NOT starting) "Be quite, Mommy is stressing" rather than "Mommy is thinking!" Furthermore, I DID NOT come to the conclusion that had we NOT played hooky, we WOULDN'T have been stranded!
• Because I am a highly trained athlete, I would NEVER complain of aches and pains after playing a family-friendly game of volleyball at my in-laws annual Mother's Day shrimp boil. I definitely am NOT old!
• I would NEVER spend an entire day sewing drawstring bags and baby blankets for my kids and their dolls instead of FLYing!

Whew! I feel better now! If you need some free therapy, run on over to MckMama's blog and check out the rules for participating in NOT ME! Monday. For even more therapy, check out what other bloggers have NOT been up to this week.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

• In NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM would I ever turn into a "Sink Nazi." Despite my recent attempts in becoming a FlyBaby, I would NEVER let a shiny sink become top priority in my home. So much so that I am CERTAINLY NOT afraid to cook dinner or anything else that might make my sink less than shiny. And even if I did behave this way (which I certainly DON'T) I certainly WOULDN'T sacrifice my family's nutrition just so I could relish in the fact that I can practically see my reflection in my beautiful sink!
• At church I am always super-focused on gleaning as much as can from our pastors in order to improve my walk with the Lord. NEVER would I use church as a place to vet a future husband for my middle sister (I DON'T already have future candidates for my youngest sister and kids).

Alright, it your turn! Let us know what you HAVE NOT been up to this past week. You really will feel better after 'fessin up, I promise!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Okay, so this your chance to take advantage of free therapy! As for me...

• NEVER in a million years would you hear me tell my sweet baby girl "No sugar, Mommy doesn't use pot" when she insisted, "Mommy do your pot"--my Neti Pot that is! Furthermore, I maintain the highest level of privacy when tending to my daily hygenic and medicinal routines, so I would NEVER catch my daughter trying to imitate what she NEVER witnesses! And if perchance by some freak accident I did discover one of my children mimicking what they DO NOT see, it surely WOULDN'T look like this:

• Because I am so organized and totally on top of things, it is natural to assume that I simply am NOT constantly hoping and praying that my deposit for the Ladies' Retreat was not too late and that my spot was not filled! It should be obvious that my first-born, over-achiever tendencies would prohibit such tardiness ;)
• I absolutely DID NOT leave a baby shower for my cousin Travis secretly wishing for another baby! Later in the week, I definitely DID NOT express overwhelming thankfulness at not being able to have anymore children after constantly walking/swaying/bouncing while holding a crying 12 month old in the nursery at church for an hour and a half!

Okay, your turn! Just get comfortable on the therapist's couch and relish in the fact that this session is totally free!

It's that time of the week again!

Short list this week! Here goes:

• Despite a list of potential blog topics, I would never go a whole week without posting a single blog save the "Not Me!" Monday post. You obviously have me confused with someone else!


• While filling out paperwork at the hospital for a CT Scan, "someone" asked their Mom, "Mom, what is lodine and what kind of procedure would use it?" The wonderful mom replies, "That doesn't say 'lodine' dear, it says 'Iodine'!" I obviously overheard the previous conversation at the hospital, because my superior intellect would never stoop to such a low level! Even if that poor fool were me--BUT OF COURSE IT WASN'T--I was unaware that iodine was a proper noun!

Sorry, that is all for this Monday! Reoccurring sinus headaches have kept me virtually computer free, but I will strive to do better!

Not Me! Monday

Check out this highly humorous blog by one of my favorite bloggers, MckMama, and consider joining in on the fun:



As for me, here are a few things I absolutely did not do this past week:

• No way did I use my reoccurring sinus headaches as an excuse to have some extra quiet time this weekend!
• When Wesley started acting up in the waiting room at my ENT's office, I simply did not bribe him with promises of a trip to the toy department at Target NOT ME! And I most certainly would never dream of buying him a train which he most certainly did not "just have to have", only requiring him to spend 3 tickets from his allownace instead of the 6 it acutally cost!
• Being the die hard football fan that I am, I would NEVER skip the entire SuperBowl save for the last 5 minutes of the game. And I sure wouldn't be biased as to the outcome based on poor sportsmanship.
• When my wonderful Mama told be she'd go with me for my CT scan on Wednesday, I was not totally relieved, not me, because I am a grown woman completely capable of taking care of myself, thank you.
• One of my former students is taking college classes this semester in London. As a totally supportive mentor, I would never show any hint of jealousy over her getting to vist The Globe, but rather the utmost pride and support for her during this once in a lifetime experience! Furthermore, I would never for a brief moment dream of packing a bag and going with her, leaving a sink full of dishes and a mountain of dirty laundry. Nope, not me!
• Never in a million years would I tell Wesley to "stop crying like a girl" because his Pez dispenser broke. In our house we are totally PC and phrases like this are just NOT in our vocabulary!

How about you? Come on, be brutally honest and admit it! I'm sure there is something to which you can proudly (or maybe not so proudly) say "Nope, NOT ME!"