Not My Child! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Well, Wesley has NOT had a such a strange week that I am NOT going to substitute "Not Me!" Monday post with a "Not My Child!" Monday.

Here goes:

My child DOES NOT have paranoia issues. He NEVER believes that people in photos are staring at him. Furthermore, we NEVER catch him changing in his closet so that various family members hanging on his wall "won't see" him. Because he DOES NOT have this problem, he CERTAINLY WOULD NEVER turn a snowman soap dispenser and Santa figurine around so that they couldn't "see" him while visiting the bathroom!

NOT MY CHILD!

While on a "date" with my son to a Christmas concert by the Annie Moses Band, he MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT pass gas not once, but multiple times during the concert.  Even if it were my child (which it WASN'T) it WOULD NOT be so gut-wrenchingly hideous as to burn the inside of my nose leaving me with the desire to apologize to all the people around us who pretended not to notice.

NOT MY CHILD!

Okay, so I will admit that my son does in fact have an obsession with Indiana Jones. However, his obsession DOES NOT go so far as to include swiping a chocolate-flavored chapstick and smearing it all over his face in the hopes of obtaining that five-o'clock shadow that Harrison Ford sported so well in the movies.

NOT MY CHILD!

Being that we have a very empathetic, sometimes too gentle and kind child, Wesley would NEVER reinact the famous scene from A Christmas Story in which Ralphie, being fed up with the school bully, shoves him to the ground and starts wailing on him. To make matters worse (if this actually did happen--WHICH IT DIDN'T) it certainly WOULD NOT have happened at church! You see, Wes is NOT such a neurotic great friend that he can't bear to see someone else sit next to his "very best friend." If anyone dared to sit next to said best friend, he MOST CERTAINLY WOULD NOT take matters into his own hands and make sure that his seat was not "stolen" by another kid.

NOT MY CHILD!


And lastly, my precious son would NEVER EVER bust out in spontaneous prayer while watching an ambulance pull into the parking lot of a local restaurant. It certainly WOULDN'T go anything like this: "Dear God, please help the people not be too hurt. And God, make them better and get well soon."

 

NOT MY CHILD!