...but I still love you

I had my Zen on shuffle today while I was shining my sink and came across a song I hadn't heard in quite some time. If you've been a Contemporary Christian music fan for quite a while, you might remember a band from the '90s called The Kry (wow, I suddenly somehow feel old). They had some great songs like "He Won't Let You Go," "I Can't Stop Thinking About You," and "You're All I Need." But the one that usually gets stuck in my head and the one that I heard today is "I Know Everything About You."

Here's the chorus:

I know everything about you
I know what you say and do
But I still love you
I know everything about you
I know what you're thinking through
But I still love you

The more I thought about this song, the more the words "I know what you're thinking through" kept eating at me. So many times I guard my thoughts because I am fearful of what others would think if they knew what I was "thinking through."

Jealousy

Doubt

Bitterness

Spite

Of course, these are merely examples. My mind is as pure as the wind-driven snow.

Okay, so now I have to add:

Self delusion

Blessed as I am to have been raised in a Christian home and attend a Christian high school, I most certainly have been taught the attributes of God. I know full well that He is omniscient: He knows everything. So why must I need be reminded of this?! Why must these lyrics haunt me so?

The more I chewed on those words the more I became sickened at my thought life. Don't get me wrong, my mind certainly does not dwell "in the gutter." By worldly standards, I'm sure that my thought life could be rated PG-13 and seemingly normal. However, should I be satisfied by judging my thought life by worldly standards? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Romans 12:2 (NAS) tells us: "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."

There are so many areas of this verse that could be expounded upon, but two things stand out for me. On my first reading of this verse I became overwhelmed by the word perfect. Good I can handle; acceptable, sure, but perfect...not even close! That's enough to make me depressed right there!

However, if I would just back up and focus on the part that jumped out on my second reading, renewing of your mind. Okay, so it's no secret that I was an English teacher, but I will spare you the technical terms and just plainly tell you that Paul's choice of renewing indicates that this is not a one time occurrence. Just like eating, sleeping, and exercising are essential for a healthy physical life, the daily renewing of your mind is a necessity for a healthy spiritual life.

About now, thoughts of Bro. Parker's Bible class come to mind. Those of us who bothered to stay awake will remember him repeating the computer-based idea of "Garbage in, garbage out." If I continue to fill my mind with garbage, that is what will overtake my mind and heart, and eventually flow from my mouth. Have you ever toured a landfill? Eew! In the 8th grade we toured the McCarty Road landfill and to this day I remember that smell. To top it off, we were told that covering our noses would be offensive to the employees! Believe me, it couldn't have been more offensive than that smell!

I don't know about you, but I cringe at the thought of the Lord touring the landfill in my mind. Can you imagine if He had to hold his nose while walking around up there? That image sickens me.

Despite the fact that more times than not, Christ probably should hold his nose while touring my landfill of a brain, the last line of that chorus sweetly reminds me,

But I still love you

Did you catch that?!

But I still love you

Wow! I'm feeling just a tad small and totally undeserving right now. How the Lord can still love us even when we neglect Him is amazing to me. When I find myself spending more time updating my Facebook or playing video games than I do praying or reading His Word, I am indeed adding more and more garbage to that landfill.

Lately I've been learning that I can make daily changes to improve myself on the inside as well as the outside (taking better care of my health, home, soul, etc.), but I most certainly do and will continue to stumble and even fall flat on my face. Seeking that which is perfect is no easy goal, but it is one Christians are called to pursue. Yet no matter how many times I fail, the Lord still looks down on me with tender loving care and says,

But I still love you

My Valentines

Naturally when it comes to thinking about Valentine's Day, the first person that comes to mind is my husband Kevin, who also happens to be the Best Husband in the World (even though I have no hope for flowers today). Just thought I'd clarify that in case you were under the assumption that your husband claimed that title ;)

However, and I think I can safely speak for Kevin as well, our kids are the greatest gifts God could have ever bestowed on us. The love they shower on us daily reminds me of just how much God loves us and that He gives us so much more than we deserve. They bless our life in so many ways. Just when I think that they couldn't make me feel anymore happy/loved/blessed they go and do something else to make me want to exclaim "My cup runneth over!"

One of the things I love the most about my kiddos is the way they play so well together. That's one of the reasons why we had them closer together (they're 19 months apart). Of course they inevitably resort to fighting when one takes the other's beloved toy (aka the one they have at the moment), but overall they entertain each other in such as way as to secretly entertain their Mommy!

Here they are playing together at the window on a beautiful day that was too windy for us to be outside (who knew living in Baytown would be so windy).

Such moments are very common in our household. Of course I would be remiss if I failed to mention that we have a multitude of meltdowns as well. There are days that we are tested beyond belief and I ask aloud "What next?!" But even in the meltdowns, we are reminded of the incredible love God has for us. It blows my mind to try to even comprehend the extent of God's love for His children. In the midst of the chaos of life, God never ceases to leave us reminders, like little valentines, of his infinite love: beautiful sunrises, randoms act of kindness, sweet kisses from little lips, blooming flowers despite cold weather, laughs around the dinner table at goofy faces made by a silly little girl, the miraculous recovery of an injured loved one, the sacrifice of an only Son for the redemption of the world. This is what love is.

I know that I am loved by my Heavenly Father and that makes this Valentine's Day so much more special.